30+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (February 1, 2025)

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  • 01

    Classic Linda

    Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now when she's mad at me l just say "Linda wouldn't get mad about that." 8:50 PM 1/20/25 4.4M Views 828 1 8.2K 193K ☐ 7K ↑
  • 02

    And I don't question it

    Meg @megannn_lynne Putting a bay leaf in a recipe even though idk what the f it does The work is mysterious and important. 8:13 PM 1/21/25.5.6M Views 538 1 13K 227K ☐ 6.3K ↑
  • 03

    But the duck tho

    Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Me: why should I use your dish soap Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck Me: ok well how does it do on dishes? Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is • 8:05 PM 1/19/25 1.5M Views 140 17 4.5K 92K ☐ 1.7K 企
  • 04

    Don't fight it

    uppityafrican|prettygirlfromjobu. @SunBirdZAKH They built it a whole house, that's their dog now C-MAC Daddy @PriYeah7-4d Do you guys think my parents will ever give me my dog back? • 7:44 AM 1/19/25 3M Views 61 17 9.9K 210K 2.9K ↑
  • 05

    And it always shall be

    AriZona Iced Tea AriZona @DrinkAriZona AriZona Iced Tea is still 99 cents 4 DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm. 1d • Netflix are once again raising their prices in the U.S. ⚫ The ad-supported tier will cost $7.99/month, an increase of $1/month • The Premium tier will cost $24.99/month, an increase of $2/month NETFLIX
  • 06
    signüll @signulll the gulf of mexico should've been renamed to sea señor. 10:00 AM 1/22/25 160K Views . 55 1357 4.1K ☐ 142 ↑
  • 07
    Everything Out Of Context ❤ @EverythingOOC Bro what ceo of tiktok All News Images Short videos Videos Shopp Tikfang Toksheng CEO of TikTok Overview Education Interviews Videos Tatler Asia Education Harvard Business School 10:23 PM 1/20/25 31M Views 2.2K 1 36K Age 42 years 544K 34K ↑
  • 08
    WE'RE BARAC waka fawksa flame @dumbledonk babe wake up le creuset 2025 color guide just dropped Cerise Flame Nectar Artichaut Caribbean Marseille Rhône Olive Sage Sea Salt Chambray Azure Agave Thyme Matte Navy Nuit Licorice Oyster e Brioche White Shallot Chiffon Pink Mauve Pink Pêche 12:00 PM 1/20/25 2.1M Views 412 8.4K 76K 9.3K ↑
  • 09
    doomer @uncledoomer how my wife stands while she watches me sign the finance papers for a brand new ford F150 raptor C LI INAUGURATION OF DONALD TRUMP 47TH PRESIDEN
  • 10
    Ryan, Perdido en TX @RyanLostinTX When you see the server emerge from the kitchen with a piping hot sizzling platter of combo fajitas for two. 1:33 PM 1/20/25.1M Views 125 t 1.5K 24K 901 ↑
  • 11
    madimoiselle ♡ @drivingmemadi Being super smug about the TikTok ban not affecting me because I waste 8 hours on my phone in other superior ways 12:36 AM 1/19/25 1.8M Views 73 17 10K 91K ☐ 1.7K
  • 12
    EVERY THING Tiberius @ecomarxi No way FOX NEWS SUNDAY WITH SHANNON BREAM TITKOK SIUTS DOWN IN THE U.S. EXCLUSIVE MANTO 10:58 AM 1/20/25 792K Views 121 11.6K 32K 1.1K 企
  • 13
    Rany Jazayerli @jazayerli Buffalo has lost to the Chiefs three times in a row in the playoffs, but doesn't that mean they're due? I mean, it's not like the Bills to lose four consecutive crucial postseason games 9:43 PM 1/19/25 500K Views • 141 17803 15K 306 企
  • 14
    kira ❤❤ @kirawontmiss she gotta donate her brain to science DROP Drop Pop @DropPopNet. 1d 6 hours ago, Cardi B attempted to bypass the TikTok U.S. ban by using a Hawaiian VPN. 9:52 PM 1/20/25 4.9M Views 614 17 5.9K Cardi B @iamcardib-3m Y'all not taking tiktok from me... ZENSHIELD = Hawaii VPN - Free VPN Platform 07 1311 43 4.3K Cardi B @iamcardib-24s Bardigang why it don't work Sorry, TikTok isn't available right now A law banning TikTok has been enacted in the U.S. Unfortunately, that means yo
  • 15
    Crisis of Conscience @crisisofconsc The ban we'd all prefer. Sorry, Teams isn't available right now A law banning Teams has been enacted in the U.S. Unfortunately, that means you can't use Teams for now. Learn more Close app • 2:31 AM 1/19/25 5.5M Views 429 17 22K 162K ☐ 2.3K ↑
  • 16
    WBR @W_B_Rick Harry Potter sliding on Cedric's girl the very next semester was insane work if we're being honest. 2:39 AM 1/19/25 5.2M Views 319 1 8.9K 165K ☐ 5.4K ↑
  • 17
    Samwitch @Samwitchx Close enough, welcome back Paramore New York Basketball @NBA_NewYork. 2d Ben Stiller & his Severance stars courtside 1:27 AM 1/18/25 6.8M Views 156 t↓ 11K h 187K 2.4K 企
  • 18
    mira @yaidawn i hate when a guy asks "can you cook?" can you build a house f you 5:39 AM 1/18/25.9M Views . 6.2K 137K 317K ☐ 8K ↑
  • 19
    о Matt's Idea Shop @MattsIdeaShop 3-4 Dads after church can knock this out in 15 min. Geiger Capital @Geiger_Capital. 1d Imagine being the guy who just set up 100,000 chairs on the National Mall and they announce they're moving the inauguration indoors 6:32 PM 1/17/25 1.6M Views 297 1 1.5K 36K 362 ↑
  • 20
    pestle @pestleee why are fish the only thing you can monger. let me monger some other stuff • 4:22 PM 1/16/25 1M Views 1.1K 12.9K 46K ☐ 1.4K ↑
  • 21
    Bacon Burt @BaconBurt A friend of mine met Paul Skenes on a flight and didn't have anything for him to sign so he signed his copy of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment He was on my flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh E HOW Lol 10:39 AM 1/16/25 1.4M Views 60 17558 him I came back from scotland early specifically to see his debut and he thought that was cool FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY Crime and Punishment Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky (1811-1881) is best known for the series of novels he wrote in the last tw
  • 22
    Roman Helmet Guy @romanhelmetguy American women on RedNote already triggering a gender war in China 2136 comments Х JI53BC3CD7 看完洋妞,对国内的已经不感兴趣了 After seeing foreign girls, I'm no longer interested in domestic ones. (Translated) 18 hrs ago Reply View 47 replies 483 • 10:27 PM 1/16/25 440K Views 280 17589 13K 1.4K ↑
  • 23
    Doth @DothTheDoth I love women because they are either thinking about skincare or political revolution • 3:19 PM 1/23/25.5M Views 744 49K 255K ☐ 10K 1
  • 24
    Natalie @jbfan911 omg....... Through You Made It 5wks 5 wks Nov. 16th Jan. 22nd Winter Solstice Dec. 21st THE 10 DARKEST WEEKS OF THE YEAR 10:02 PM - 1/23/25.4M Views 199 17K 161K 8.1K 企
  • 25
    Meg @megannn_lynne it's barefoot contessa 2025, baby. we're buying flowers so the house looks beautiful. we're baking chocolate peanut-butter cupcakes just because. we're having fabulous dinner parties to celebrate our friends' successes. we're having dessert after lunch, & then again after dinner! • 8:26 AM 1/4/25 538K Views 28 17 3K 23K 1.5K 企
  • 26
    Robby Kalland @RKalland cam newton on first take today looks like a general from a command & conquer cut screen 11:13 AM 1/23/25 437K Views 136 17869 12K 381 企
  • 27
    poppa @popitforpoppa i said she right 28 times, she still talking 12:08 PM 1/19/25 9.3M Views • ◇ 1.3K 17 20K 194K ☐ 8.2K
  • 28
    mau @rllydu you're in her dms, i'm in the passenger seat of her car. she is parallel parking. i have been here for 30 minutes • 4:56 PM 1/22/25 2.6M Views 151 19.3K 127K ☐ 4.2K .↑.
  • 29
    Rodney Lacroix ❤ @RodLacroix Jason Kelce looks like the guy you hire to get a possum out of your attic. 8:10 AM 1/19/25 3.9M Views 3.3K 17 5.9K 131K 1.3K GE
  • 30
    andy from 5 to 7 @ChampagneAnyone before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate 9:02 PM 1/22/25 1M Views . 49 tz 2.7K 47K ☐ 1.1K 企
  • 31
    @stevrlight when you order from the bear: DOORDASH New Message from your Dasher Joshua They said cancel the order DOORDASH New Message from your Dasher Joshua They said they cant make yo food cuz they chefs arguin DOORDASH New Message from your Dasher Joshua Aye bruh 4:30 PM 1/22/25.5.7M Views 227 14K now now 1m ago 230K 9.5K ↑
  • 32
    crint @pantssoup What're we thinking fellas? Another 2 years probably? HANES HANES
  • 33
    Swedish House Furniture @UkuleleKev Unfortunate shirt-tucking on the mascots in Italy Sixtus TECno-S Mediacom VEEP RACISM 2:46 PM 1/26/25.3M Views 200 13.1K dloca 83K ☐ 3K 1994

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